In our Utopian totalitarian future, theaters and concert halls will maintain biometric "no buy" lists analogous to the "no-fly" lists kept by the airlines. The under-motivated and highly unionized staff at Orchestra Hall refuse to enforce concert manners at the level of a midwestern movie theater in the 1960s -- but salvation will come when computerized surveillance cameras record all violations of protocol, from unwrapping candy to unanswered cell phones, from grunting along with the music to learning forward in the gallery, and will forbid the transgressors from returning to any of our temples of culture, until they have demonstrated sufficient penance.

In the meantime, until Orchestra Hall rethinks its systematic policy of allowing the few to disrupt the concert-going experience for the many, I suggest you get a good stereo.